Speechless

Another week has past and things didn’t change at all. There are a lot of things to handle recently which leads me to have a tendency of taking a break. Unfortunately, it was not a right time for me to do so. Recently, I have been considering singing during my unit anniversary. We will be having dinner in one of the hotel in Singapore. I didn’t really sing in a hotel before. I was rather a big challenge for me. I haven’t given the answer to my officers. I have been taking a long time to decide because my singing sucks recently. It was rather monotone. What should I do? Sing or not to sing.

I have also discovered that I am rather not important in the eyes of some people. No one actually bothered to do something for me during my big day. Some of them even give me lame and stupid excuse not to attend one month ago. I was extreme disappointed because it was my biggest day in my life and they actually give me stupid excuse to run away. Why is this so? I did so much and what did I actually get back. I think I got nothing. Every year my biggest wish is to have all my friends to be by my side during that day. Unfortunately, some of them didn’t help me to fulfill it. Actually, I really wanted to cry out loud but I tell myself not to. No point letting my tears out again because of them. Will anyone understand what I think and what I feel?

After that day had past, no one actually SMS or talk to me on the phone. All I received was asking for telephone numbers. No one actually asked me how am I? How’s life? Am I treating others too well until others got to take advantage of it? Does it really matter whether you are a combat unit or not a combat unit? Since it really matters, why in the first place ask me, NON-COMBAT personnel to come out? My BAO BEIs only know me for three months and they actually know how to make me smile, making me happy and showing concern to me. I knew them for three years; all I get is SMS or phone call asking me for numbers. Why three months of friendship can win three years of friendship anytime?

Song Title: Don't Cry Out Loud
Singer: Diana Degarmo

Baby cried the day the circus came to town,
'Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her.
So she painted on a smile and then took up with some clown,
While she danced without a net upon the wire.
I know a lot about her, 'cause you see,
Baby, is an awful lot like me.

(Chorus)
Don't cry out loud,
Just keep it inside,
And learn how to hide your feelings.
Fly high and proud.
And if you should fall,
Remember you almost had it all.

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down,
They left behind her dreams among the litter.
And the different kind of love she thought she'd found,
There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter.
But Baby can't be broken, 'cause you see,
She had the finest teacher, that was me.
I told her:

(Chorus)

Ooh...oohh...oohh

(Chorus) X 2